Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
