dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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