theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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