you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize