Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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