the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
