If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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