I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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