nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
if only i could text you this smell
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
