just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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