if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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