Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
i think my cat just said my name.
Randomize
