Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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