I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
