I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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