Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
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