The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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