apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
