I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
