every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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