One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
