I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
