Fine. I'll sleep in my office
wanna go halves on a baby?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
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