lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
