There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize