I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
