there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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