Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Every concussion has its silver lining
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
