saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
