Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
