carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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