I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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