his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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