bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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