You're so nebulous sometimes
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
