I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
