But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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