I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
