I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
