so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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