FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
