My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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