Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
