I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
