i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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