ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
She even gives head with a lisp.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
