i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You ruined the universe
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
