He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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