Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
