I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
