Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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