is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
