I molested 6 butterflies tonight
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
