I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Randomize
