Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
