I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
