I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
