is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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