Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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