Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
