he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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