Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
