Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
