Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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