so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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