The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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