mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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